Heartache

Today I want only to extend my sincerest condolences to the family of my eldest son's classmate, the young man who drowned yesterday while swimming at a lake near the Clemson University campus. He was a very intelligent, hard working, vibrant young man and he will be missed by both his fellow Sumter HS alumni of the class of '06 and his Clemson family.

May God's peace be with the Jones family in the coming days.

Etta Kett ;-)

Over my 20 years of living far removed from our native Northeast, we've learned that, though Emily Post is deemed to reign supreme in matters of taste and decorum, she's seldom obeyed in this little corner of the Sandhills. Come to think of it, I'm not sure many folks in these parts even know who she is, much less care what she'd advise people to do in matters of social graces. "Who's Grace and what social disease has she got?" is the most likely response from far, FAR too many of the folks I associate with on a daily basis.

A childhood friend from our hometown made a similar observation on a recent visit, and the topic of conversation meandered to the evident differences in Yankee and Dixie breeding as exemplified by so very many of the people we three have met down here. No, I do NOT wish to generalize, for I know there ARE still people on BOTH sides of the Mason-Dixon line who are gracious, charming, and imbued with every social grace Miss Post would find amenable; we know and love many of them! Having thus clarified, I refer to the general populace; everyday people whose children happen to attend school with or participate in the same extracurricular activities (e.g. sports teams, Scout troops) as our children.

For example: I knew literally hundreds of people up north who honored and obeyed the directive of the infamous four letters on any invitation: RSVP (we're not just talking about wedding invitations here!). The letters are a French abbreviation for “repondez, s’il vous plait,” literally, “respond, please!” Up north, I'd generally get calls from people indicating whether or not they'd attend a given event, barring weather-related issues that prevented their participation at the last moment (as with one party I hosted during college at my home the night of a worse-than-originally-forecast snow squall).

Having noted this, I must also note that the overwhelming majority of my negative experiences with this issue have been for CHILDREN'S BIRTHDAY PARTIES. What sort of message does it send to your kids if you can't even be bothered to tell your friends the child will or won't attend a cake & ice cream gathering?

Our most recent experience of this was at the end of the school term, when our child was one of some 25-30 invited to a CLASS party, a Saturday afternoon barbecue at a local park, hosted by the parents of one schoolmate of our youngest child. Like anyone in this situation, they were stymied as to how many they should prepare for, having invited EVERY CHILD in the girls’ class but gotten only FOUR firm responses (three affirmatives!) by the day of the party. Unlike us, they are local natives, which negated my long-held private theory that such invites extended by me were ignored because I’m a DAMN YANKEE! In an odd way, it reinforced my faith in humanity—the decent, etiquette-abiding portion of it. (Since living in the south, hubby has also heard the excuse, “We don’t go to church with them,” as if this somehow exempts the invitee from being Christian enough to make a phone call and say whether or not their child will participate?!)

The other thing we all observed was the tendency of some Southerners (again, not generalizing, but this is a rather dominant experience) to be MORE guarded and private than the average apartment dwelling New Yorker (and we--including myself; I was one as a young child & my maternal grandparents were all of my first 22 years--are legendary for not letting “just anyone” get near us, emotionally or otherwise!). As gracious and polite as these individuals will present while you’re before them (e.g. “Yes, ma’am,” “No, sir,” “I’d love to do so-and-so with y’all!”), the instant your back is turned, these rather catty individuals will gossip about every little thing about you from your “fur’n” accent to your weight to whether you’re wearing the proper attire for the season (e.g. “How DARE he wear a seersucker suit this late in September?” without regard for the 85+ degree temperature or the 95%+ humidity lingering well past Labor Day).

All this phony baloney "etiquette" is sufficient to send THIS native New Yorker--who also LOVES Gone With the Wind, by the way-- running for the smelling salts like Aunt Pittypat Hamilton! :P

Adventures in Tween Parenting

How do you cope with learning a so-called “friend” has only been using you? That's hard enough to deal with as an adult, but over the past week it's become a major life lesson for my youngest, who isn't quite a teenager at this point. While it’s been painful for her, she also knows she’ll be more cautious about the company she keeps in the future. And yet, I still caught her last evening trying to join a networking site even though she isn't even close to their minimum age for membership (she fudged her year of birth and the moment I caught her, I e-mailed them that she's the age she REALLY is, which ended that immediately). So I guess there'll be some testing of the waters by this wiser than she ought to be tweener--in addition to, regrettably, some fiscal repercussions for us.

This is child #4, and I remind you that my day job is working with other children, so my take is simply this: She’s learned a painful lesson, she’s learned it well, she’s angry at herself for maintaining this friendly connection as long as she has, and she now feels foolish. But there's no doubt she has learned that it always pays to question the dubious actions of your peers, particularly when they entreat you to lie, cheat, or steal on their behalf.

We’ve tried not to be too hard on her, yet we've firmly reinforced some things to make her understand she has some responsibility in the matter, mostly for allowing this peer to have what seems to have been unfettered access to such items as the phone and the computer; to the point we're considering docking her minimal allowance until the excess is paid off. Not sure we'll DO that, but the thought has crossed our minds.

Ah...parenthood! :P "What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive..."

Baking...

...without benefit of an enclosed oven, that is! My little corner of creation has been hot, humid, and yet without any relief in the form of thunderstorms for about a week. This afternoon when I returned to work after lunch, the local heat index was shown on line as being 110!

When I feel like I need to be basted, it's time for Mother Nature to provide some relief. Thank heaven for the inventor of air conditioning!

Unrequited Anything Stinks

Unrequited love is the thing most people think of automatically, but there are other emotions it can apply to as well: affection, friendship, respect (that's a biggie in the universe!) being only three of the others. The best way to address the first of them (and, likely, the others as well) is a good dose of reality about whatever adored person, place, or thing isn't returning the sentiment.

Dwell for a bit on some negative aspects of the noun in question, and in a little while the reality should come into focus like the subject of a photograph in the lens of a camera. I should know; I've been doing this exercise regarding an individual I'm familiar with for the past month or more. Trust me, it helps to bring peace! I

Sun, Sand, Surf...

...and of course that fourth "s" for the fair-skinned semi redheads among us: SUNBURN! Fortunately, the one I got today while playing in the surf and strolling the strand isn't TOO bad, though I plan to sleep with aloe applied to my now gently cleansed of salt & sand body to help it heal quickly. And I got this burn despite several liberal applications of 15 sunblock throughout the day.

An old boyfriend used to tease about the idea of us going skinny dipping. Though I certainly had the figure for it, at the time I was too embarrassed to tell him I thought it a doubly bad idea because (aside from the embarrassment of exposing things I was then unready to expose to ANYONE!) I feared the sun burning parts of me that otherwise would've been clad. My husband DOES know this, & having lived with me for more than two decades, realizes the legitimacy of this concern for reasons beyond embarrassment (I'm a 45 y.o. mom of 4 & not as trim as I was at 17!) or pain--there's a history of skin cancer in my family & I'd rather NOT tread that primrose path, thankyouverymuch!

Next time I hit the beach, time for the 45 sunblock--at a minimum!

Hmph. Tuesday

Long day driving around in the heat. At least by the time I leave the office tomorrow, I'll be done for the week & will have met with half of my charges for the month already. :) I'll be glad when I'm done for tomorrow so I can veg, possibly on the beach, for several days without worrying about the job.

On that note, everyone enjoy what's left of the summer. There's only about six more weeks until autumn, changing leaves, cooler temperatures (and that long slow slide into winter if you live north of Virginia!). Don't thank me; that's what I'm here for...to remind you that it'll be back!

I'm Dreaming of a Drop Top Car...

It's been an interesting day...you know what they say about leading an interesting life being a Chinese curse! ;) Mercifully, I will be working only three days this week. My five day long weekend will likely include a jaunt to the coast so I can play in the surf a bit before the kids return to school in two weeks' time. Can't wait.

After arriving late at church & enduring a longer-than-usual homily I personally found less than entertaining OR educational, we had lunch out & did some grocery shopping. After that & my workout, hubby & I took a little tour of several car lots without the kids along to get ideas for "the next vehicle." I've already told him my wishes as noted in the title. (After all, I'm 45 with two kids at least halfway through college, & I've NEVER owned a brand new car!) I'm still not looking for a brand new one, as I find them excessively pricey, but a decent USED convertible would be nice! (I'm starting my second childhood, perhaps?)

I can see myself tooling north for summertime visits with the top down, lots of goodies packed to minimize stopping for fast food, the CD player blasting, & the weather cooperating (as it didn't while we were looking--we got DRENCHED!).

I'll let you know when (if) I finally get the fun wheels...

Stretching Money

Spent this noontime on a (dreaded!) shopping excursion with my daughters at my preferred discount department store. The 10 year old is the harder to fit, due to her rapidly morphing body from little girl into teenager, so finding pants that are comfortable in the waist AND not too long can be something of an ordeal. (She wore a juniors size 3 pair of jeans on this outing, but scored two new pairs of girls' size 14 jeans as well as a pair of basketball shorts & several inexpensive tee shirts hearkening to the 40th anniversary of Woodstock.) The 14 year old was relatively easy--she's budget conscious already, so she found the "five for $10" sorts of things & selected her needed garments with an eye toward both her tastes & my wallet.

Then came the challenge (again, due to the younger one) of selecting composition notebooks & folders with clamps, which she's required to have for school. We already have filler paper, single subject spiral bound notebooks, pens, & pencils left over from last year, so we can round out the remainder of the necessary items at our local dollar store. Miss 14 grabbed one 5 subject notebook & a package of pens, plus an extra pack of pens for her younger sister, and pronounced herself ready to start high school with only that. The 10 year old's school is a tad obsessive about the kids getting COMPOSITION notebooks instead of the spiral ones (to the tune of AT LEAST 5 of them!), & they're the one thing we didn't have in storage at home, so I HAD to get them. I hadn't thought there'd be much room for differences in them, but today we also found marbled ones in (besides the old standard black & white) PURPLE & white, ORANGE & white, BLUE & white, GREEN & white, PLUS some with Internet conversational abbreviations on solid pink or solid black covers (e.g. LOL, TTYL--natch, more expensive than their marble-covered cousins)! Predictably, Miss 10 had to get TWO "coolio!" (her adjective, & nothing I say convinces her that Coolio is a rapper!) composition notebooks.

Long story short, I'm glad I got out of there with my checking account still intact & tried to impart some lessons in thrift to Miss 10 (who probably won't internalize them until about, oh, 2020!).