Paging Emily Post (Cell Phone Division)

Periodically when I'm driving with my daughters & my cellular phone rings, I'll make some lame, dated joke about Maxwell Smart's shoe (or, more correctly, my pocket) going off. Anyone born before 1974 has presumably seen enough reruns of the old Mel Brooks-Buck Henry TV series to remember Don Adams & his annoying voice pausing to take a call from the Chief on his shoe phone. Both daughters, however, were born during the Clinton administration & have NO idea about this except when we laugh at Inspector Gadget cartoons that lampoon same--and even then, they're confused.

Since the advent of the cell phone has rendered the whole ringing shoe thing obsolete and totally irrelevant, I'd like to address something extremely relevant to the world of 2008: cell phone etiquette. I concur with the smarter of our 50 states enacting the "don't gab while driving" laws that require headsets; that only legislates the common sense so many people seem to lack. When I'm driving & have passengers with me, the response to the ringer comes from one of them.

However, contrary to popular opinion, mandated common sense doesn't automatically bestow intelligence. Case in point: people wandering through Home Depot, Aldi, Macy's, or some other store blabbing away on the infernal earpiece known as a "Bluetooth," making those around them think these folks are yammering to themselves like blithering idiots. (Not long ago I worked with someone who habitually did this IN THE OFFICE, which got old any time you'd speak to her & get a response that didn't even remotely match up with what you'd said!)

A Sunday shopping excursion at our local hardware warehouse store with my husband & our 9 year old was icing on the proverbial cake. While hubby was perusing garage door pulleys and trash can liners, we ladies headed for, well, "the ladies'" as the restroom is politely called in Britain. The entire time we were in said public restroom, there was a third female present. She was unseen by us, but we heard her the entire time we attended to our private needs...gabbing loudly on her cell phone! :P It's pretty bad when my 9 year old has a better clue than a fool who doesn't care a whit that toilets are flushing & sinks are running (to say nothing of other noises one needn't broadcast!) in the background on her telephone calls! (I hasten to add that I'm SO proud she's smart enough to realize this!)

I recommend a fate worse than death for someone like this: flush her cell phone! Or toss it under the wheels of a forklift at Home Depot. That'll teach her! Or it SHOULD, one would hope...